It started with sushi...

I can't imagine the chain of events this maguro set off

It all started with a seemingly innocent sushi craving. I was in a heinously boring meeting, when I turned to my co-worker and suggest we go get sushi for lunch to revive our brains which were dangerously close to reaching a vegetable state.

The sushi restaurant is a five minute walk from the office – an assumingly safe form of transportation. Think again.

Two hours after lunch had occurred, I was in an important discussion with my boss when I put my hand on my knee. To my dismay, I felt crust instead of the smooth denim I was expecting. I looked down to find that a bird had decided to use me as its shitting target. I had a streak down the whole front of my jeans, and the last time I was outside had been walking back from sushi. I tried to be optimistic, thankful my head didn’t take the hit. But after today, my optimism is down the toilet.

The next day, the notice came; my apartment manager was giving us a 48-hour heads up that they were going to be inspecting appliances in all of the townhouses in our complex. I’m sure that’s shiesty-property-management speak for “making sure we don’t have a growing operation.” We have nothing to hide, really –oh except for our cute little dog, who is an illegal occupant. We refuse to pay the $550 deposit and $25/month pet rent. They should instate child rent – kids can reach and damage far more things than a pet ever could. They’re just as greasy and slimy as pets. So therefore, until this charge is instated, I’m boycotting.

So we thought, “Hey. Let’s just take him to doggie daycare at Petsmart (which is one block from work). Twenty bucks is cheaper than $550 plus.”

Except Petsmart requires all dog’s to have a Bordatella vaccine, and our record of this particular shot has conveniently disappeared. We could have gotten him re-vaccinated beforehand, but they require all pets to be updated on all vaccines a full 48 hours before being dropped off, but at that point, we only had 24 hours until the inspection. So Doggie Daycare was no longer an option.

Then thankfully, my boyfriend’s parents graciously took in our dog to cover our cheap butts. However, this required me to drive 40 miles before I headed in to work today.

Then the fun began. On my way back to work, I realized I hadn’t sufficiently hid Bowser’s toys and I had forgotten my lunch at home. I called my boyfriend, asking him to hide the toys and bring me my lunch once I got to work, and he did the former and not the latter. Which made for a more irritating day (although he did buy me a piece of pizza to make up for it – kudos honey! I'm sure he did this for his own survival, as he knows how I get when I'm hungry).

I arrived to work an hour late, which forced me to cancel my after-work running date with a friend, and opted to work out in the gym on my lunch instead. Then I had forgotten my gym bag in the car. Once I got to the car, I realized I didn’t have the keys and they were back at my desk.

Once I was dressed in my gym clothes, I thought I finally had everything under control. But then I realized I left my ipod at my desk too. I got all the way back to my desk a second time. And by the time I got on the treadmill, I realized I had forgotten the most important workout accessory of all: my asthma inhaler. I said screw it and spent my workout trying to fend off an asthma attack, which required me to cut my run a mile short and I was a sweaty heaping, breathless mess afterwards.

As if I could forget something else, once I was in the shower washing my hair, I realized that forgot my hairbrush at home. So I had to let my hair dry nappy.

Want to hear how it gets EVEN WORSE? I have an interview with one of our top executives in ten minutes. AND it’s the first time I’m meeting him. Our executives are pretty normal people, and if I had already been on first name basis it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but on your first meeting, you want to make an impression—build a report. Who wants to build a report with someone that looks homeless?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but don’t ever crave sushi. It will set off a chain of events that you can’t stop!!

Oh Shiba

see more Daily Squee

This is Bowser's long-lost brother. They make the same face :)

When you wish upon a star...

Many of you know that I have boldly declared to postpone anything resembling childbearing since having a puppy. Well now, I have an official to-do list before anything obstructs my uterus. (I promise I do have motherly instincts...somewhere). Besides getting hitched, I have a long list of places we need to travel before I start to really settle down. I am publishing this so that all of YOU hold me accountable. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you!

I haven't been anywhere outside of the US since 2006, when I traveled to Ghana, Africa - a life changing experience, even in the three short weeks I was there. Even though my African experience included a trip to the hospital and an IV drip, let's hope that doesn't happen in any of the following destinations:

• SPAIN - My boyfriend's sister is moving here for the second time, and we seriously need to go visit her on the beaches of Andalucia next year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is a reality in the near-ish future!
• SOUTH AFRICA - While we're on that side of the world, might as well take a trip down south to visit my old college roommate. I'd love to see another part of Africa!
• JAPAN- I have some awesome relatives that I need to go pay a visit to. I also need to see the birthplace of Hello Kitty and Cajun flavored Ramen noodles.
• ITALY - I just love carbs. That's all. Carbocide 2012 here I come!
• ENGLAND - I guess I could catch up with my snaggle-toothed ancestors.
• AUSTRALIA - My boyfriend has some more wonderful family connections in Queensland that we fully intend to take advantage of. I want to talk about boots, sheilas, trolleys, barbies and whatever other slang words they say down there. Like a true native. 
• GREECE - It just looks absolutely breathtaking and I'm a huge fan of hummus. And pita. I feel carbocide 2013 coming on.
• JAMAICA - yah mon.
• SOUTH PACIFIC - My boyfriend got to pick this one and I'm not letting him go without me!
• KONA/HILO, HAWAII -I need to venture out to the Big Island one day so I can see some relatives that I tend to deny. I'm only 1/16th Hawaiian, but I get irritated when people say, "Oh I really see the Hawaiian in you!" No you see the Black in me. And then they say, "Oh I would have never guessed that. You don't act Black!" This could turn into a whole different blog if I don't stop it right here.All I have to say is ignorant!
• NEW YORK - This had a thumbtack in it on my map at home. It was the place I was going to live when I busted out of Mom and Dad's house. I busted out to Bellingham and not Manhattan. Same diff.
• FIJI - I had a poster of a red and orange sunset in Fiji that was on my dorm room wall. I fully intent on seeing this in the flesh.
• DISNEYWORLD, FLORIDA (HALF MARATHON) - I want to run with Mickey!! I'd also be interested in doing the Disney Princess Half as well... you get a Tiffany's necklace at the end of that! I call dibs on dressing up like Jasmine or Pocahontas. Their outfits (aka hammer pants and leather) would be the easiest to run 13.1 miles in :) Then after running all morning, I could ride all the rides and pray my severe motion sickness doesn't kick in. I know. I'm afflicted. But you can't NOT ride the rides at Disneyworld!!

Alright Sticks and Stoners - you have a job to do. If you don't see me update this with anything mentioning any travel of the above plans within the next year, you have some serious heckling to do. I'm cereal. No joke.  I'm also going to need a good dog sitter. Preferably one that is willing to work pro bono ;o)

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I refuse to see the world through a camera lens. I will live it! 

Define Your Beauty

Since the magazine I formerly wrote for printed this with misspellings and took out important points that pulled it all together, I am taking this opportunity to publish this the way it was intended. It is outside of what you would expect on Sticks and Stones, but important info to consider nonetheless. Enjoy!


As a kid, I wore glasses, donned a mouthful of colorful braces, and dressed like a tomboy. I had awkward written all over me, down to my “I Heart Taylor Hanson” book cover (and locker poster, and bedroom shrine). I didn’t know how to pluck my eyebrows evenly (symmetry was a concept that alluded me), and my mom made me start taking measures to remove my peach fuzz at the age of 12 (it was becoming less peachy, more mustache-y). I was a babe.

Yes, I confessed this to make you laugh. But why did you laugh? Because my described appearance does not fit into society’s standard of beauty.

Well, what is beauty? Who sets the standard? Is it the latest shade of lipstick? Is it the hottest hair cut, jacket or pair of heels? Is it a costly boob job or merely luck-of-the-draw genetics? Oh no. Most people would answer my leading questions with, “Of course not! Beauty lies within!” It’s the right thing to say. But do we really believe it?

Let me put it to you this way - if we did, Americans wouldn’t be spending $8 billion a year on makeup, according to the Worldwatch Institute. Pounds and pounds of chemicals used to conceal ourselves or alter our natural beauty in order to cover up whatever feature is not in style this season. A study conducted by Superdrug suggests that women will spend $13,000 over the course of their lives on makeup. I can think of a number of things I would rather spend $13,000 on. The statistics reveal much about marketing to female insecurities. Most times, there’s nothing wrong with the way we look, but these companies set out to make you believe there is so they can profit. We are just a pawn in their sales pitch.

The beauty industry has truly succeeded in making women feel inferior without them. A business and marketing scheme so successful, that the Superdrug survey also found that 70 percent of women refuse to leave the house without makeup. Seventy percent! Who is in control of beauty here? Estee Lauder or you?

We are a superficial, judgmental society that would rather throw dollars at an industry than embrace ourselves for who we are and love ourselves for what we look like. If we cannot see past the capitalistic system that has been put in place to make women feel like they’re never going to measure up, then we have surrendered our right to define what beauty really is.

Being beautiful by society’s standards is so important to us, that it is now not acceptable to show signs of aging – a completely normal, natural part of life. But someone took a demographics class, realized that the majority of our population (the baby boomers) are starting to age, and decided that it seemed like a good time to prey on them to make some cash.

We are inundated with ad campaigns shoving their anti-wrinkle creams, hair-dyes and jowel removers down our throats. But they’re not only advertising to the baby boomers now. Twenty-year olds are being encouraged to start early if they want to avoid looking like Betty White and more like Joan Rivers – because she sidestepped aging oh-so-gracefully.

The beauty industry is targeting girls at younger and younger ages. The culmination of this travesty is best exemplified by TLC’s “Toddlers and Tiaras” series. It is a show documenting pageant toddlers and the poor families they’ve been born into. This usually consists of overweight parents vicariously living through their oversexed tots.

Already, these babies are being brainwashed to believe that their success is contingent upon how good they look. Let’s throw some more money at the pageant industry and see how we all turnout. JonBenét Ramsey anyone?

It is time to take control. I am not asking you to march up the front steps of Cover Girl, burn your bra, display your hairy pits while screaming, “I am beautiful hear me roar!” There is a level of hygiene that I’d like you to consider maintaining.

But I do challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror today and point out at least one thing you like about yourself. Better yet, I double dog dare you to leave the house without makeup on. Don’t be part of that 70 percent statistic. Your coworkers are not going to care, and if they do, remind them what they are getting paid for. It’s actually quite liberating to don a bare face. Not to mention you will save some cash in the process (maybe you can even take back some of that $13,000).

Start embracing your true beauty – because it’s okay if you have crow’s feet or smile lines, or that you aren’t defining your eyes with the latest metallic liquid liner. Just do good things for your body and the rest will fall into place. If we continue on the path we are going, we are never going to be satisfied with ourselves. They say that happiness is wanting the things you already have. And being happy with yourself is what will make you truly beautiful.