The 80's Strike Back!

I’ll be the first to say that I am not that fashionable. I’m most comfy in a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops. While I admire them, I’m not a fan of wearing heels (please reference entry “Allow me to introduce you to my big toe.” Heels tend to be painful for my mutant appendage), and if I could have it my way, I wouldn't touch my hair at all in the morning. I’m tired of my long tresses and fierce, straight-cut bangs, which I’ve already decided are more of a hassle than they’re worth. Give me a ponytail any day.


Nonetheless, I found myself in H&M yesterday. Before I begin, why on earth is everything 80s back? I thought we were done with tiny floral print, neon jeans and jumpsuits? Not that I was succumbing to any trend as it was, those styles in particular should be left hanging on the racks. Some of things I saw in there were so ugly, it warrants a new word: ridicularity. As in, the store contained so many hideous styles that it was verging upon ridicularity. Use it so we can start another new trend.

I digress. Because I didn’t want to seem too far left behind, I did give in and purchase two brightly colored, crew-neck t-shirts. That is my way of succumbing, although I much prefer to bring 80’s cartoons and music back above all else.

As we got to the registers, we approached an employee who was forced to exemplify whatever styles were currently in the store. And she was so far from pulling it off it wasn’t even funny.

The cashier appeared as though the 80’s had violently, projectile vomited on her. She might as well have been wearing Rainbow Bright’s dress. It probably would have looked better. Her nails were bright yellow, her eye shadow was bright blue, she had bangles, an oversized t-shirt with bright tanks underneath, and bright colored jeans. And her hair was wild enough to make her look slightly maniacal, with a brightly colored headband to tame it…ever so slightly. This is what we’re calling fashion?! We’re doomed.

Then she opened her mouth, revealing that her cheap pink lipstick had found its way onto her snaggle tooth. Did I fail to mention that she had one of those eye conditions that made it look like she was looking in two different directions? I hate those. I never know which eye to look at without seeming like a complete jackass.

“Hi there. Did dchoo find everyshing okay?” she greeted my friend with a lisp that was only to be expected at this point.

“Yup.” She said handing her a pair of sunglasses.

“I’ll give you your shunglasshes back. We want your eyesh to be shafe and protected out there.”

“…okay,” said my friend. Weird.

And then all too soon it was my turn, “Hi there. Did dchoo find everyshing okay?”

“Yessss I did,” I said emphasizing that I had the ability to say my s’s. I am such a bitch.

We got through most of my transaction without oddball comments until it came time to pay. “Cash, debit or credit?”

“Debit.”

“Shwipe your card, and put in your pin…..That way, everyone will be happy.”

“…okay.”

She obviously had a hard time not saying something socially awkward to each customer. Apparently she was just as crazy as she looked. I had to get out of there. The 80’s can keep their style and their people too.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I can’t wait to see what they do when the 90’s come back in style. I’ll be the first in line for hammer pants! ;o)

Bad dog....owners!

 Don't worry. This isn't our pup.

Oh the joys of training a puppy. The adventures have definitely begun. Among other things, Bowser has discovered the joys of chewing on clothing, my hair, Doc Martins, and a surge protector (don't worry - it was unplugged and we took it away).

We've attempted to begin socializing him with other dogs, which to date, has not gone so well. He tried to attack our friend's pug, who couldn't help but wheeze and snot in Bowser's face. Bow-wow barks at German Shepards as though he could take on a dog ten times his size, but yet he is deathly afraid of Chihuahuas.

Today, we decided to go on a walk with with my co-worker and her dog Libby, a yellow lab. Libby walks well on a leash, obeys when you say sit, and comes when you call her. Bowser, goes outside to do his business and sit in the grass. There is no such thing as walking Bowser. He stays sitting in a spot until he feels like moving, or until I pick him up. So much for being a running partner. I had to coax him the five inches he did walk. This not usual for Bowser. Once he's done walking, he comes inside the house for play time, consisting of running wildly around the house and terrorizing his chew toys. He tends to choose this time to bite us too.

To help with his disciplinary training, my boyfriend bought some bitter grapefruit spray to keep him from biting us and chewing other household items. My boyfriend decided to see how bitter the spray was, by putting some on his hand and proceeding to lick it. Before I go on, I must note that he is a college-educated man. He immediately tried spitting it out, and even after washing his hands he could still taste it. Why anyone would try out bitter dog spray is beyond me.

After I proceeded to make fun of him, and the banter died down, we ate a delicious dinner, which he cooked. To thank him for his cooking, I got up to kiss him. And then I tasted something awful on my lips."Yuck. There something nasty on my lips." I said.

Bitter dog spray!

Before we even had a chance to spray Bowser's mouth for bad behavior, my boyfriend and I both got punished. That was two hours ago. And I still taste it on my lips! 

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but testing out disciplinary pet items is never a good idea. 

What does a puppy, a wedding and an illiterate person have in common?

Hello my faithful sticks and stoners. I know I've been disappointing you with my lack of updates, but I have just been busier than ever. So for lack of a better subject, let me tell you all about it.

1. I finally got a dog - the most time consuming activity of them all. I wake up at 5:30am every morning to walk Bowser. He goes on about 4-6 walks a day. These take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour because he is so dang particular about where he does his business. Did I also mention that he gets distracted by absolutely EVERYTHING? But, as you can see, my new pooch is the cutest puppy ever to grace planet earth. I have nothing to complain about. In fact, I have become one of those folks who are obsessed with their dog. But would you have expected anything less? I was blogging about my imaginary dog, so now you can expect blog entries about my real dog. I'm making my co-workers sick with stories like, "Bowser tried digging and hiding his bone in the carpet," and "Bowser took his first poo!" But you do have to cut me some slack --I have a friend who told me someone they knew not only created a facebook page for their dog (don't worry, my Bowser fan page is coming soon), but they also created a blog about their dog. Except the blog was about what their dog would say if it could talk. I'll tell you now that I won't go THAT far. But pretty dang close.

2. Work has been a little insane. In addition to juggling four trillion projects and trying to be everything to everyone, I've also been preoccupied with dumbing down my writing style. Apparently, I write too academically because I use words like "difficult." I was told to change this to "hard" because our employees wouldn't understand. I was having a hard time keeping a straight face. I'll leave you to insert your own comment. I'm just collecting a paycheck. Or for those that don't understand, I'm just collecting money.

3. My half-marathon is right around the corner. In three short weeks, I will be sweating like a pig, probably smelling like a dude (as my boyfriend likes to tell me when I come home from my long runs), huffing and puffing uphill, and wondering why I signed up to run 13.1 miles. But once I cross that finish line, it will be the most gratifying race I will have ever run. Today I ran for 2 hours straight, completing 11 miles. By the way, I need to take a moment to say, I find it horribly rude when you wave to other runners and they don't wave back or say hi. I never did this in Seattle, because everyone runs in Seattle so I would have to wave at everyone. But here in the suburbs, it's just you, the trail, and a passerby (likely, with a stick up their ass, running off the stress caused by their suburban luxury problems. I can just imagine, "My husband picked out the wrong coach purse! Hello?! Doesn't he know that was last season's bag? I'll never be let in the country club! Ugh! Run it off, run it off, so I can fit into those new Seven jeans!"). Whatever.

4. Planning vacations/weddings. Unfortunately, I'm not planning MY wedding, but making arrangements for the 5 that my boyfriend and I are involved in for the rest of the year. California and Hawaii grace the list of wedding vacations we'll be embarking on. Live armadillos and animal print high heels are just some of the items involved with the wedding that I'll be in! We're definitely in for some memorable ceremonies. Now I need to find a dog sitter. Any takers? :)

5. Trying to keep my house livable. I'll admit I'm a bit of a neat freak. Not obsessive, but enough so that I have to keep up on dishes and laundry.This is definitely lacking due to pooch time. Again, any takers?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but one day I'll find time to squeeze in writing again!

The Easter Bunny Laid a Puppy!

I finally got a dog. We are now the proud owners of a Shiba Inu puppy. And yes, I'm just as crazy about it as I thought I'd be. And surprisingly, so is my boyfriend! He wouldn't put the thing down in the car on the way home. He snuggled with it until it was safe inside the house. It was meant to be! Welcome home, Bowser!

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but my dog is better than your dog.