Hanaween

Max the Blue Meanie

As tired as cloudy weather makes me, I always welcome the change of seasons from Summer to Fall. I love wearing sweaters and curling up on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book. It is the perfect recipe for a relaxing fall afternoon. Maybe it’s the October birthday in me, but I look forward to the turning of leaves, the colorful landscape that will ultimately surround me in my northwest abode.

But what I look forward to over colorful landscapes and relaxing afternoons, is Halloween. My dad has always been big on this day of ghosts and goblins and has passed down this passion to me. My earliest Halloween is documented in family video footage, dressed as a cat (which consisted of black eyeliner marking whiskers on my face, and a headband with cat ears). I was one year old.

But I really started getting into it when I was four. I was a Blue Meanie from the Beatles’ acid-trip cartoon Yellow Submarine. Now, that’s pretty bad ass for a four year-old. That’s a costume that I would rock to this day, if I wasn’t so hell-bent on dressing up as a Jersey Shore cast member. But at the time, I remember my disappointment when neighbors would look at the blue tube socks sewn to my blue hoodie, and my blue face paint and say, “What are you?” I thought everyone was hip to the Yellow Submarine. I didn’t realize just how bad ass I was for loving the Yellow Submarine at that age. Only in hindsight do I see their judgment. I did my best Max impression in the raspiest voice I could muster, “WE SEE SOUND OF MUSIC!” Once the door was opened, this was yelled in place of “Trick or Treat” which confused the neighbors even more. They were probably convinced that my parents were on the same stuff the Beatles were on. After all, their children’s names do translate to flower, sky and water (we are secretly members of Captain Planet).

As a child, none of my other costumes rivaled the Blue Meanie costume. I was bat girl the year after being a Blue Meanie. This was a batman mask, my jean skirt, pink sweater, with a batman button pinned to it.

After that, I was damned to a dark period where I was witch for several years in a row. It was occasionally broken up with a vampire, and one year I traded my witch hat for the Scream killer’s mask instead. But that was the extent of my creativity, if you can call it that.

In high school, it was lame to dress up. I was too cool for trick or treating. Now, I would give anything to not be judged for going door to door for some free candy. I have an insatiable sweet tooth, and look forward to my daily M&M break which happens at 2:30 p.m. at work. It costs money to buy M&Ms that frequently. Times are tough, and I need my free handout.

But back to costumes, once I got to college, it was cool to dress up again. So cool, that Halloween parties became an event that I hosted each year, aptly titled Hanaween. Since my birthday is the 28th, it was always close enough to claim I was a Halloween baby. True Halloween babies always got upset by this and I told them to go suck a tootsie pop. And then I’d steal the wrapper from them if it had an Indian shooting a star.

In college I bought into the whole skank costume phase (I don’t think you have an option); I was a French maid one year, a cop, a slutty lion (you can still be a skank at the top of the food chain, apparently), and finally I got off the ho-train and became my alter-ego, Muhana Ali (a boxer).

In 2008, I was Sarah Palin, but that confused everyone because I look nothing like her and everyone just thought I was an Asian businesswoman, even though I was saying “donchaknow” out the ass. I tried to stay in character all night but after awhile I was getting on my own damn nerves. That woman is just vile.

Last year, I felt like I should have just gone out in a garbage bag. It was a last minute decision to dress up, so I pulled out my adult onesie (yes I had one lying around) and put my hair in pig tails and went as a baby.

This year, I’m going to celebrate my obsession for trash TV and be Snooki from Jersey Shore. While Snooki, some may argue, is equally as irritating as Sarah Palin, their level of intelligence is about equal. The only difference is that Snooki seems nicer than Sarah. And I can be obnoxiously drunk and blame it on my character.

Don't think I forgot about Bowser. This is the one day a year that my boyfriend gave me permission to dress him up. We are buying him a batman dog costume. And yes, I said "we."

Sticks and stones may break my bones but never skip out on celebrating Hanaween!