Jam Summer into 2 Weeks - GO!

After a whirlwind month of weddings, weekend trips, yachts, Las Vegas and machine guns, I'm finally home! I know - I lead a rough life. I have no patience to write out exactly what went down, so in my usual too-much-has-happened-and-I-don't-really-feel-like-writing fashion, here are highlights and a picture montage:

We recently saw Daniel Tosh perform live. It was freaking hilarious and I took a bunch of poor-quality photos like the one below.

My best friend got married and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. It was loads of fun and this picture is an example of how drunk I got.

I went on a yacht tour of my hometown with friends and it was a gorgeous sunny day out. Besides a little seasickness (I am a shame to my sailor ancestors), it was a total blast. 

Afterwards we went to a brewery where we became convinced we were all gangsta. 

The very next day, Boyfriend and I jetted off to Las Vegas. This picture is an example of how drunk Boyfriend got. Lazy River at MGM, mofos!

We also started hunting for some venues for getting married next year! First we need to get engaged, but we'll keep you posted on what we decide. I've already said too much :) 

After wedding venue hunting, we let off some steam by shooting machine guns at Las Vegas Gun Range! I shot my very first gun, a fully-automatic, 9mm Uzi. 

We had such a blast and now I'm tired as hell. Next on the agenda: hip surgery. Wah :(

Bad Day + Cheap Wine = New Post

God Bless Charles Shaw. Picture hijacked from here. 

It was one of those days where I recklessly changed lanes, cut people off and sped home so I could get closer to a glass of two-buck chuck. Okay it was actually a $4 bottle of Fish Eye Merlot because I couldn't find the two-buck chuck. Bastards.

Work has just been insane. I'm only there for a couple days over the next month (yay vacation, boo hip surgery) so I'm just trying to tie up loose ends. But it seems like every time I knock one thing off my to-do list another forty wind up on it. It's really discouraging and makes me do psycho things like give old people the finger as I crazily pass them in desperation of a cheap glass of wine. (Okay let's face it - anyone going a smidge under the speed limit gets the finger from me regardless of age, race, gender or creed. I'm an equal opportunist). 

Life outside of work has been pretty hectic too, so I just go through my days exhausted. So that big, meaningful post I mentioned in my last entry is just going to have to wait until I have more time to tend to it. That won't be until I'm heavily sedated after hip surgery, so the end-product should be interesting. Yuck. End-product. I hate corporate speak. And it's seeping into my personal blog. AHHH!!!!

Sticks and stones may break my bones but Vegas can't come soon enough!!

A post about my upper lip

Oh Frieda. Photo from here. 

I have been working on a meaningful post inspired by a book I recently read, but it's a bit daunting to work on. I want to get it just right, and since I'm overloaded with writing at work, you'll just have to satiate your craving with this post that just flew out of my ass:

The lady that had the privilege of waxing my upper lip today took one look at my TOMS and said, "Those are...interesting shoes."

I'm always one to think of comebacks thirty minutes after the fact. What I would have said was, "That's an... interesting face." ( Because that would have showed her!)

Instead I said, "Oh they're TOMS."

She says all snobby (Insert high pitched mocking voice), "What's that?"

I say, "You buy a pair of TOMS shoes and TOMS donates a pair to a child in need."

She goes, "Oh."

End of conversation.

Apparently philanthropy is a foreign subject in her world.

She proceeded to ask if I had any children. I said no. She asked if I had done anything exciting yet this summer. I said no. She then asked if I had a dog. I said yes. It was like she was going through all of her awkward conversation starters to try to fill the silence that she created by judging my shoes.

Just shut up and wax my lip. I'm not trying to become best friends. I just want to not look like Frieda Kahlo's stunt double.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but stick to salons you know for your upper lip needs.