Five Guys and a Dumb Ass

I'm salivating just looking at this photo. HELP! image from here.

Our little town was finally graced by Five Guys burgers. I have to admit that in the week I realized it was open, I have eaten there three times. I know, I know – you don’t have to tell me I’m on the path to cardiac arrest. But they’re the best burgers I’ve ever eaten. EVER! And I was a previous fan of Dick’s and Red Mill, for all of you Seattleites out there. So you know this is a big deal!

While the Five Guys burgers are little patties of heaven, the intelligence of the workers creating them leaves much to be desired. Maybe my expectations for fast food workers are just way too high, but I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that they are not complete dumbasses before I hear them speak. But once I hear your voice, the judgment has already been made.

So on outing number 2 of 3, I decided to submit my order online. I typed in my own name, which appears in their computer system just as I typed it. Hana (rhymes with Donna).

I walk in to pick up my manna, and say, “Hi, I’m here to pick up an online order for Hana.”

There is only one bag waiting to be picked up on their shelf. ONE. The pimply idiot looks at it confused and says, “Uh…we have a Hannah?”

My sister (who I peer pressured into trying this gateway drug for the first time) just started laughing.

Seriously? I just told you how to say it. Now you’re telling me how to pronounce my own name? I don’t think so. I didn’t have time to help him clap it out. He was in the way of me and my burger. I simply said, “Yeah, whatever,” and took my bag from his hands as quickly as I could, so I could intravenously shoot grease into my arteries faster.

I swear. An intervention may be needed in the near future if I’m not even stopping to correct this level of idiocy anymore. I’ve heard some pretty stupid things in regards to my name (my previous favorite: You spelled your name wrong Hannah!) but this just proves my inner fat kid has taken over these days.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but stay away from Five Guys unless you want to start an insatiable addiction.