11 Holiday Lessons (so far...)

I'm one of those nutty, holiday-loving, real life Clark Griswold personalities that really get into the holidays. I love watching old nostalgic cartoons (everyday of December), listening to holiday tunes (even on my headphones at work), and going as far as attempting "All I Want for Christmas Is You" about two hours after Thanksgiving dinner is over. But we all know, as we get older, this time of year becomes increasingly stressful and less "Yay! Santa!" So I've made a list of helpful advice to get you through this time of year:

1. Don’t trust your dog to behave unsupervised around wrapped presents or ornaments (even if he or she was a complete angel around these items as a puppy). You will come home to a colorful mess, pick up colorful dog poo, and be forced to repurchase gifts.
2. First attempts at making hot buttered rum may result in wasted in-laws and great memories. Less rum, more butter next time.
3. The holiday season is football season! Don’t attempt to go to a Seahawks game on a Thursday night. What is normally a 20-minute drive to the stadium will force you to enjoy speeds of one tire rotation per hour and an insatiable craving for mass murder.
4. There is such thing as doggy pink eye, and no, they won’t quit licking their butts no matter how much they hate their eye drops. (I understand this is not specifically holiday related, but it really can happen to you during this time of year and force you to pay a ridiculous vet bill on top of other purchases you may be making at this time of year. Sigh.)
5. Feed your significant other a big breakfast on Thanksgiving day to mitigate any future alcohol intake. Failure to do so will result in the significant other falsely accusing their mother of slipping roofies into drinks, and thus blacking out and missing all of Thanksgiving.
6. Do make these pumpkin muffins and give them to everyone you know (ignore that the website is for pioneer women - I didn’t know they we were still marketing to those who travel in covered wagons). Don’t be surprised if you get a raise, a promotion or an engagement ring. You’re welcome.
7. Do start your Christmas shopping early, and revel in the fact that you are done on Dec. 1 while everyone else is scrambling. Nana nana boo boo, stick your head in doo doo. (Just don’t leave wrapped gifts out - see #1).
8. Start (or continue) a beautiful relationship with a crock pot. Who has time to make dinner with everything else going on? We’re still in the honeymoon stage with our crock pot. You can make meals cheaply, deliciously, and have them waiting for you when you get home. It’s like having an electric stay-at-home mom! (Or stay-at-home dad. We’re progressive here at Sticks and Stones. Our crock pot just happens to be a woman.)
9. If your domestic partner is more of a scrooge than a large adult who still believes in Santa (please refer to "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"), play holiday tunes and watch holiday movies incessantly until they have crossed over to the dark side with you. If your plan backfires and only throws them into rage blackouts, gift them this ornament as an apology.
10. Make time for cocoa. There's always time for cocoa!
11. Reserve days to lounge in sweatpants! (This is now the 11th commandment. Harold Camping told me so). Don’t pack your schedule so full that you can’t even remember what happened over the holidays. Enjoy every moment with friends and family, but know when to say, “Sorry, we’re busy. Can we take a rain check?” You will maintain your sanity (or at least most of it).

My December calender seriously looked like this last year. Never again!

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but heeding my advice will lead to a happy holiday season!