Bring on 2013!

Happy New Year! I'm officially 28 going on 89; I didn't even make it to midnight last night. I had one glass of wine and passed out on the couch watching "Wedding Crashers" on rerun. I woke up at midnight to husband giving me kisses saying, "Happy New Year!"

Granted, I wasn't really setting myself up for success - I had retreated to sweats and my bathrobe prior to turning on the fire place and curling up with a blanket on the couch. That doesn't exactly scream "party all night."

Since our Christmas was so busy (as in, visit-six-different-homes-in-three-days busy) Husband and I opted not to do anything. Our Christmas was fun, but I have grown to appreciate not doing anything in my advancing age.

But my intent was not to talk about being an old lady as much as it was to discuss resolutions! It's that time of year where we start making promises to become better versions of ourselves. I'm not sure that I'm better than I was in years prior, but I've certainly accomplished a challenging task or three, and I've gotta say, that nothing gives you more of a sense of purpose knowing you can do something you set your mind to. 

Whether you are a resolution nerd like me, or think they're a bunch of baloney, I think the trick is finding resolutions that are realistic, but right on the edge of pushing yourself. I also have found that declaring resolutions publicly make me more inclined to accomplish them. 

This season, I had some trouble picking them out, which is why my list is a tad bit long. But I've settled on the following (in no particular order):

1. Do a DIY furniture project - with all the HGTV and Pinterest I consume, I think it's time I bring some of that into real life (and perhaps repair a few of Chika's "design elements" she ingrained in our furniture). 
2. Find time once a week to be creative for ME. This can take the form of playing guitar or updating my blog, or writing in a journal. Whatever I do, it cannot be creation for work purposes. I need to re-connect with expressing myself, and not my company's objectives, on a regular basis. 
3. Stay dedicated to living a healthy life style. I accomplished quite a bit in 2012 and I can't hop off the boat now. 
1. (Yes, I have a subpoint as a resolution). Get into a new arm balance and/or headstand in yoga. I was aiming for side crow and then I figured out how to do it a few weeks ago so now I've got to find another one. Normally I practice headstands against a wall, but I was getting cocky and tried in front of our TV and almost knocked it over. Keep your fingers crossed this isn't the objective that sends me back to the ER. 
4. Live mindfully. This is certainly harder to measure, but just always checking myself that my words, actions are all done with intent and kindness (Husband is probably rolling his eyes at this one).

So that's it for 2013. I think this year will be fantastic. I'm excited to live day-by-day instead of focusing on wedding planning, which consumed much of 2012. We're going to be traveling to Spain towards the end of summer and it's a trip I've wanted to take for years! I can't wait. It's time to start living life.  

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but resolutions might if I keep letting my ego let me do headstands in front of unstable objects. Or if a Pinterest project goes awry. Pray for me. 

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Ya ain't neva had a friend like me! Yrrgghhrrrrrghhryyyy!

It's a typical Thursday night in December: I have Hanson's "Snowed In" album on blast, and I'm singing along, louder than Taylor, while forcing my dog to dance with me. Husband has escaped to the kitchen, to pour yet another glass of wine (Was that a shudder?). It's Christmas time!

Last holiday season, I overloaded my calendar by saying yes to every invite that came my way. The dates were smothered in gatherings, obligations and so much "holiday cheer" that I was ready to choke someone out with a holiday doily.

Now that I'm older and wiser (and married), I'm being a bit more mindful of my sanity (because we all know that affects husband's sanity, and we can't have two Grinches during the holidays). I still want to get all merry and shit with everyone, but I also want to prioritize "us" time, since this is our first Christmas as husband and wife.

So I decided to host one holiday party with our friends this season, and that's it. I’m making folks come to us, rather than running around and trying to make everyone else's Christmas parties (sorry friends - your turn to run amok). And we're not just having any holiday party; we're having an Ugly Sweater/Wine and Cheese party! (And get a load of these earrings I found to match my sweater - practically stolen off the lobes of your Nanna!)

The only time of year to hang felt balls from your head. That's the next rule after: Don't wear white past Labor Day.

The result? I’m actually enjoying the holiday season rather than counting down until the New Year. I’ve even tuned the radio in my car (and Husband’s) to the 24-hour Christmas music station. Yup -- I’m that obnoxious.

But I can’t say Husband isn’t enjoying the holidays -- he actually participated in decorating our Charlie Brown tree for the first time this year since he finally had some of his own ornaments to display. His mom was very quick to send Chewbacca home with us so that it never touched the limbs of her holiday foliage again. Chewy's displayed on our tree right next to the childhood ornament my own mother loathed for years -- Genie from Aladdin.

Now, Chewbacca and Genie are best friends and are total Christmas staples in our household. They can experience the holidays in a home that not only accepts their holiday status, but also celebrates it. And the best part is that we'll never have to vote on whether or not they have the right to unite with the tree.

This holiday season is full of acceptance; acceptance of previously shunned ornaments, acceptance of limits, and accepting that saying yes to everything is the fastest way to become a career alcoholic.

Fun fact: In writing this article, my browser history would have revealed Google searches for doily, nanna, chewbacca, and "how to spell wookie sounds." Only that combination could ever be found on this blog.  Merry Christmas! 

What I Did During My Three-Month Blog Break

Why hello, Sticks and Stoners! First off, my apologies for taking a three-month hiatus from this blog without warning. Life got a little too hectic the closer I got to my wedding and it hasn’t really slowed down since. But today, I’m taking a breather. It’s the first and probably last time I’ll ever have Black Friday off  from work, and I’m happy to report that I’m not out shopping, but working to catch up with you (whoever you might be)!  

This year has been absolutely hectic and absolutely wonderful. I can’t possibly fill you in on every little detail of my absence, so in true Sticks and Stones style, I’m going to give you a drink from the fire hose:

I married a unicorn ;)

My wedding was absolutely the best day ever! In addition marrying my most favorite person in the whole wide world, nothing went wrong. Not a single thing. We were so blessed to have so much help from our friends and family, and so many people came out of the woodwork to offer their services for free (why hello  there, day-of coordinators, beer brewer and videographers)! Did I mention that we were having unreasonably warm weather in Seattle and I got a 70-degree, sunny day for my October wedding? And my favorite part is that everyone had an absolute blast. I had a lot of people tell me it was one of the most fun weddings they had ever attended, which really made me feel like all of that planning paid off. AND I didn’t turn into a bridezilla, which means I accomplished my ultimate New Year’s resolution (I can only thank yoga for that, really)!

Husband (he’s got a new blog name!) and I flew to Cabo San Lucas for our honeymoon! Minus the unexpected delay in getting there (thanks a lot, Alaska airlines – I’m not even going here because I’m still irked) and the mini-hurricane we experienced there (we went there because I thought Cabo didn’t get hurricanes), we had a blast! My favorite activity we did was ziplining, but we also had fun riding ATVs and camels.  And of course, tanning, swimming, eating, drinking and being honeymooners.

Bandita!

When I went back to work from my honeymoon, I returned to all kinds of craziness. In addition to being unexpectedly short-staffed, I got asked to fly out and write a last-minute story on how Hurricane Sandy affected our employees and our company. I’m going to write a separate entry about my Hurricane Sandy experience because it’s too much to fit in this catch-all post. But all I can say, is that it was very humbling to speak with the victims, and it really put a lot into perspective. Seeing others hurting after this storm was pretty emotional for me, nevermind the people who are still living through it. But I’m thankful for all of the humbling experiences, because I have come out of each one with a clearer view on what is important and not important in life. They have all taught me to focus on the people (and puppies) that I love, and nothing more. At the end of the day, it’s all about taking care of ourselves and each other.

Speaking of story writing, I feel that my hiatus from this blog has caused my day-job writing to suffer. Granted, I’ve had a million things going on the past few months, but it felt like all of my creative energy wasn’t being let out and so I could only create word vomit at work. So one of my resolutions for the upcoming year will be to focus on my writing, more specifically, writing for me, and that will certainly give you more blog candy to gobble!

I promise, I'll never fly out again - Woohoo!!!!

So in a nutshell, that’s what I’ve been up to. Of course there’s more detail to it than that, so stay tuned for some more regular posts! I’ve got a few up my sleeve. Including another rant about hating Black Friday…

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but taking blog hiatuses quells my inner-creativity. 

The Five People You Meet in Yoga - And Wish You Hadn't

He must be The Show-off

Ah yoga: The pinnacle of relaxation, fitness and meditation. I’ve become a yoga monster lately and the studio I go to is pretty keen on sticking to true yoga traditions; every pose is called out in the Sanskrit term rather than the translation, we Om at the end of class, she teaches us about yoga philosophies as we practice asanas, and she explains the stories we tell with our poses.

I love it. I feel completely relaxed, I’ve shed pounds (welcome back, high school weight!), but I can tell I’m doing something that means much more than getting healthy. Shit if monks do it, I must be on some path to enlightenment right?

I call it my hippy yoga and it’s helping me ward off bridezilla as we enter the final weeks of wedding planning. I promised I wouldn’t turn into her, but I’m finding I have to battle her often so I don’t lose my shit. Bridezilla is a mad god like Lilith in True Blood, for any fellow truebies out there.

However calming yoga may be, in my practice I’ve encountered personalities of all types, many of which are completely obnoxious to practice with, taking out the whole relaxation aspect. Before you yogis out there start bitching, I know that yoga is supposed to be all about non-judgment; non-judgment of others and non-judgment of yourself. But this is Sticks and Stones and not a yoga blog, so you’re going to let me have my bitch sesh and deal. I accept that this blog post in and of itself is not very yogic.

With that said, I discovered the worst yoga personality of them all in last night’s yoga class. It was so bad, that it actually inspired me to carve time out of my insane schedule to update my blog and tell you all about it. So, I’ve compiled my shit list of yoga personality profiles in order of least to worst offenders. Last night’s personality takes the cake, so he’s the last on the list. Enjoy.

The “Don’t Look at Me I’m New” Person

Every class has one. And I’ve been that person. The beginner, new-to-the-studio gal is in a ball in the corner, dying of heat exhaustion, ready to pass out, questioning why the hell she came and why the fuck didn’t she drink more water beforehand. Not every beginner has this experience, but it’s not uncommon either. It gets better. Trust me. Don’t let this one experience ruin it. Prepare better next time.

The Show-off

This classmate shows up at least 20 minutes before class starts, and will start flowing the second the mat’s unrolled. Hand stands are flying, limbs and spines are being contorted, all to prove that he can do it. The teacher will never go into these complicated poses with the group, so he needs some kind of audience. Once class begins, he stands right next to the teacher. It’s the yoga version of teacher’s pet. I can’t say I’m not jealous of these abilities, but the arrogance just kills.

The Loud Om-er

Now we’re getting to the good stuff. And this one is weird. I’ve only encountered it twice, so I imagine it’s a rare breed of yogi. This person will breathe very loudly during the duration of class. And when I mean loud, I mean he's competing with Beats by Dre. Every inhale seems to suck up all oxygen from the room and every exhale makes the entire room smell of their carbon dioxide excretion. They make fun sounds as they get in and out of poses. At the end of class, when we’re closing our practice, this person, forgetting that yoga is supposed to be about relaxing, yells Om at the top of their lungs, rather than letting it gently vibrate out of their mouths. Forgetting they’re in a yoga studio and not a Slip Knot concert, their Om is not only louder than the teacher’s, it’s off-key, screeching and lasts longer than anyone else’s. It’s a perfect way to end yoga on a sour note.

The Schweaty Guy

Let’s face it- everyone sweats buckets in hot yoga. But you contain it to your own mat and area. That’s why yogitoes were invented. I’d rather be next to the loud Om-er than the Schweaty Guy. This person (which every class has) manages to flick their sweat in every direction their limbs point. With sweat, comes stench. The entire room starts filling with the sharp odor of one brand of B.O. They leave a puddle in their wake after class has ended. I’m not exaggerating this at all. The worst is when there are back-to-back classes, and you accidentally roll your mat out in a puddle from the previous class’s Schweaty Guy (speaking from experience). God forbid if you end up next to this one in a crowded class, and manage to accidentally touch a foot or hand. Shower with acid immediately.

The Farting/Humming Guy

Practicing next to this guy makes yoga impossible to enjoy. It will start off with the loud breathing, but when the music starts, he also thinks he’s a yoga singer and starts trying to emulate the sounds and spastic note range in the song and fails. Hard. That alone eliminates all chances for relaxation. You’re supposed to focus on what you’re doing and nothing else. But if you have some Yoga Idol wannabe next to you, it’s hard to let your mind go when you’re eardrums are being actively assaulted.

But please take note: If you dine at a taco truck, or consume a Costco hot dog before doing yoga, do not come to class. This guy farted at least seven times in class last night, one of which was when his ass was near my face and I was ready to turn the yoga class into Tae Kwon Do. I was so mad! If you can’t control your bowels, you need to do a yoga DVD at home, near your bathroom so you can handle emergencies as they arise.

One of my favorite poses is shavasana, or corpse pose, because it elicits the most relaxation and signals the end of class. By principle, you are to be silent during shavasana, breathe quietly and shallowly and did I mention be quiet? The Farting/Humming Guy starts humming and trying out for Yoga Idol again, during one of the most meditative and relaxing poses, and I just laid there holding my breath so I didn’t inhale his ass scent. I also couldn’t relax my face muscles since I was frowning so hard.

"It was the worst shavasana ever." - Witness

I had just begun to sort of relax when the teacher said, “Wiggle your toes and fingers and come back to earth.” What a waste. He also happened to be a loud Om-er. Go figure. He was the trifecta of bad yoga personalities and I promise to move if he tries to practice next to me again.

So now that I’ve convinced you never to do yoga, just know that as long as you don’t get stuck next to any of these, yoga really is a wonderful practice. I love it. I’ve just burned the faces of the above offenders into my memory so I know never to roll my mat out next to them again.

And now, I will forsake my typical sign off with a simple, Namaste.