Disclaimer: I graduated on the President's List from Western Washington University, and graduated in the top 15th percentile from High School. I have no excuse for the following entry.
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I have done and said some pretty stupid things throughout my life. It stems from the fact that there is no filter between my brain and my mouth. If I think it, out it comes. As you can imagine how much trouble a problem like this would cause, it has especially created quite some embarrassment when I've realized that I've believed something that is not correct. I'm a pretty confident person, to the point where I've been accused of being a stubborn, know-it-all (not in my finest hour, of course). So you can only imagine the joy it brings to those who revel in my downfall. Or stupidity. Whatever you want to call it.
Meow! Barracuda!
It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and I was hanging out with my younger sister (the one that cusses out children on the street). We were watching "Wheel of Fortune." While my sister was sitting calmly, watching each contestant introduce themselves, I was sitting in awe at the stupidity of this southern woman who was now on the screen.
"We were on vacation, swimmin' down thur wit' dem barracudas...." she drawled on.
"Oh my god." I said rolling my eyes. "They let just anybody on this show."
My sister laughed, thinking I was referring to the "white trash" aura this women was exuding.
"She is such an idiot. A barracuda is a cat!" I exclaimed, proud of my genius superiority.
My sister stopped laughing and looked at me. "Uh...what?"
"You can't go swimming with a barracuda. It's a cat that lives in the jungle. What an idiot!" I laughed arrogantly.
"Um...," my sister wasn't quite sure how to respond. "I thought it was a mean fish, kind of like a piranha?"
"No way! It's a jungle cat."
We began ensuing in a debate that eventually required the mediation of my father, who wasn't quite sure if we were serious when we approached him.
"Hana. A barracuda is not a cat. It's a fish! Didn't you just graduate from college?"
That was my first inkling that perhaps I was wrong. Was I really assigning the term barracuda to the wrong animal for 23 years of my life? I kicked him off the computer so I could google it, and sure enough, a freaky looking fish popped up in place of the black, panther-like cat I was expecting.
"Oh, wow...so you're telling me, this whole time, that song 'Barracuda' was about a fish?"
I'll take my ham sandwich raw, please.
Being the carnivores that we are, my boyfriend and I were discussing different meats one day (Okay. Two weeks ago). Now, I've already explained what a disaster I am in the kitchen. But I'll admit, I have no excuse for what I'm about to reveal.
"You can't eat raw meat, like you can eat raw fish," said my boyfriend. "You can't eat raw chicken, or pork. You can eat partially cooked beef,"
"Well, you can eat raw ham," I responded.
"What?" he asked half-smiling, half-confused by my straight face.
"Well, yeah. You can eat raw ham, like on a sandwich." I didn't even blink.
"Hana, ham and pork are the same thing. You can't eat any of it raw. All lunch meat is cooked." he was cracking up.
"It is?" I began thinking back to the hundreds of sandwiches I've consumed in my life, suddenly coming to the realization that none of them had been bloody hunks of meat...
"Yes! Did you think you just chopped off a piece of a dead pig and threw it on your sandwich?"
"Um...yes." I started laughing now, unsure of why I ever believed raw meat was on our sandwiches.
Anyone want a sandwich for lunch? My treat :)
Jesuits and Jews
Finally, we are on to the final mix-up that inspired me to write this entry in the first place. Yesterday, my boyfriend, roommate and I were discussing colleges. I went to a state school, so private schools and their affiliations are somewhat foreign to me.
"Well Gonzaga is Jesuit," said my roommate.
"Wait...I thought Gonzaga was Catholic?" I said.
My boyfriend and roommate paused and looked at me. I knew some earth-shattering epiphany was about to come on. I am all too used to that look by now.
"Hana, Jesuit is Catholic," said my roommate, with the all-too-familiar half-smile. The half-smile exudes entertainment and pity all at once. It's quite a horrible smile to receive, actually.
"What did you think it meant?" asked my boyfriend, gearing up for the next entertaining response.
"I thought Jesuits were Jews," I said laughing. How was I supposed to know? I'm neither Jewish nor Catholic.
"Seattle University is Jesuit too. Did you think that was a Jewish University?" asked my roommate.
"I just didn't even think about it," I said laughing.
"Man, I swear to god, you dye your hair," said my boyfriend cracking up.
Allow me to be proof that a college degree doesn't mean much in the way of smarts. I can argue sociological theory with you ad nauseum, but I can't tell my animals, meats or religions apart.
Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but it pays to check your facts before opening your mouth.
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