Nerd Alert!

Recently, I was going through my hope chest where I keep a lot of sentimental items from the past, and found some of the most hilarious things that were, at one point, important to me.

For some, I couldn’t remember why it was there in the first place (okay why did I keep an old pony-tail that was cut off my head at age 12? That was kind of disgusting), while others triggered memories that had been buried for decades (oh yeah- my nickname WAS Big Shoes at Camp Seymour circa 1996. Thanks big, mutant toe). But it made me realize how grateful I am for the friends and family that I have been surrounded with my entire life; the items I found were reason enough to wish you were not associated with me. I was (and still am) a huge nerd, to the millionth degree.

So, to give you an idea of the trinkets and junk that I sifted through, I will go through item by item and show you what a sentimental person I am (or admit to an awful hoarding habit).

Campaign Skit Script:

My best friend in middle school ran for class president. We weren’t exactly the coolest kids in the class, so we thought we’d appeal to the rest of the lame, puberty stricken, voice changing teens out there by creating a skit to attract their vote. This was performed in front of the entire 8^th grade.

I was dressed as a fortune teller, but appeared more like a greasy faced boy with braces, dressed in drag, while my best friend sat questioning my psychic abilities. I think I managed to humiliate myself more than I promoted my best friend.

Memorable lines were, “Oh yeah, well if you’re really a fortune teller, what was the last movie I saw?” I responded by torting, “Blue and Deep Impact,” and the finale that was supposed to make her win: “So don’t vote for the popular people. Vote for me, Emily, your average joe!” I laughed so hard reading this. No wonder we weren’t cool. At least I wasn't the only one sitting in the corner at lunch.

Teeth Mold:

My teeth used to be jacked up. No they weren't growing mold. Allow me to explain: I was a chubby, buck-toothed child with vampire teeth, who always had her nose in book and dreamt of being published. Oh well. At least my teeth got fixed.

Before my parents couldn’t bear to look at me anymore, they broke down and paid for braces. Being the festive gal that I am, you could always tell what time of year it was by looking in my mouth- black and orange bands for Halloween, red and green for Christmas, pink and red for Valentines- who needed calendars when you could stare at my big colorful teeth?

Before I became a metal mouth, the orthodontist took a mold of my teeth so I could look back and see his handy work once the three year process was finished. Nice job doc, but my self-esteem still required a therapist. You're welcome for paying off your Audi TT convertible. Bastard.

Attempted sketch book:

I thought I would try my hand in other artistic categories. My sister and mom were always pretty decent artists, so I thought I’d try to draw. I should have stuck to writing and playing music. I drew in a sketch book that when I look in now, I would have thought it belonged to a blind, paraplegic girl who draws with her mouth. When I saw the sketch titled Self-Portrait I yelled,“I DREW MYSELF AS MEG FROM FAMILY GUY!” All I needed was the hat, and I was on my way to being the hated daughter of a quirky cartoon family. My teen sister even got a good guffaw out of that one. Thank you everyone for loving me anyway.

Hanson concert ticket:

Because I wasn’t awkward enough, I was absolutely obsessed with Hanson. Every square inch of my bedroom was plastered with one of the blond, feminine-looking boys that I actually dreamed of marrying.

This also fueled rumors of me being a lesbian in 8^th grade, after placing a trick love note on the desk of a much-hated classmate. She discovered who it was, and there went my reputation. Hanson was just supporting evidence.

I still went to that concert with my sister, and decided that my obsession was best kept in the family. And okay- the first song I learned to play on guitar was Mmmbop. And yes, I did play this song on the guitar for a skit for Spanish class in college (what's with me and skits?). Crap, this is turning into a tell-all exposé. This is going to need to stop here.

So now that you have a great idea of the nerd that I started out as, you can feel better about yourselves. While my music taste has drastically improved, the nerdery has only gotten worse. Midnight showing of New Moon, anyone?

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but don’t be ashamed to be yourself :)