This entry was written by request from my boyfriend's family :)
Two entries ago, I ended with "stay tuned for injuries I inflict on others at clubs." Here we go.
I was 21, my boyfriend had just graduated and left town for a full-time job, and we were doomed to the constraints of a long distance relationship. Being that I was bored couldn't see him, I decided to go see Swollen Members (a hip hop group) at a club in downtown Bellingham with some girlfriends. Once there, we proceeded to do shots so that we had the liquid courage necessary to act like we knew how to dance at a hip hop show.
Before the music started, and I was already three sheets to the wind, I noticed a rather large and hefty individual pointing and laughing at me. I didn't know what he had to laugh about- this guy was about 6'4", 400+ lbs, bearded, stupid looking, and I assumed he probably smelled like deep fried pickles- so I let it go. But he didn't. He walked right up to me and said, "Yeah, my friends think you're really unattractive." He was telling me that I was unattractive?! You know I didn't let that slide.
A verbal argument ensued that I don't quite remember that clearly, but I remember our friends pulling us away and me trying to claw back and yell at him some more. He ignited the Tacoma in me!
"Hana, chill out. He is totally not worth it. As in SERIOUSLY not worth it. Just relax and enjoy the show. He's a total douche bag." said my friend.
I listened to her, drank some more, and the show started. I began dancing and having a good time. I probably would have forgotten the incident all together...
That was until I felt someone's hand on my ass. I spun around to see the piece of lard that mistakenly tried to cut me down earlier. He had a slimy look on face, as if he had gotten away with something. It was time to put him out his misery.
I punched him right in the eye. Even though I was drunk, I remember the distinct feeling of his eyeball under my fist. It was, soft and gooey. It was like what I imagine it would be like punching a squid, minus the tentacles. I don't know that I really injured him, more than I surprised him. He held his eye and looked at me in shock- as though he didn't have it coming. I went at him again. I wanted a piece of this giant mofo!
"What! What!" I yelled at him, fists raised and poised to attack. My blood was boiling over.
"Hana. Hana! Hana!!!!" yelled my friend holding me back. "You are going to get us kicked out of here!"
"Are you kidding me?! He just grabbed my ass! He's getting kicked out of here."
I promptly went up to the bouncer, pointed at the offending mass of fat, and he was immediately escorted out of the show. Victory was mine! I love being a girl sometimes.
Later that night, I was so far gone that I called my boyfriend crying and yelling, "My night sucked! I punched someone in the faaaaace!!! Wahh!" He thought it was so funny that it got leaked to the fam. His parent's proudly dubbed me, "Muhana Ali." The name stuck, and soon caught on at work, where co-workers started calling me nothing but Muhana. I even listed it as my official nickname on my Emergency Contact Form in my personnel file. Don't worry I changed that once I started working at the corporate office.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but touch my ass, and you'll pay.
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