Bowsie Boo Boo

Bowser before going destructo

I don't think you are ever completely prepared to own your first pet (unless of course, you grew up on a farm or were raised by wolves). But for us city folk, it means stopping your daily grind to care for your new family member, postponing your weekly happy hour date so you can run home to walk/feed Spot, or finding a dog-sitter if you plan to be gone for any period of time exceeding the threshold of the dog's ability to hold it. On-the-go is not an option, but rather, I'll-go-when-I-can. It's great training for your first child, which I have boldly postponed for about a decade after seeing the care involved in a pup.


With that being said, owning a dog has been one of the best things I've ever done. For those that know me in person, they are disgusted with the way our little Bowser is spoiled, toys littering the front room, organic dog food filling his own kitchen cupboard, and the way he is spoken to, reasoned with and given privileges that even exceed my boyfriend's at times. Did I forget to mention his facebook fan page? It is safe to say I'm obsessed.

Before owning Bowser, I was coveting a puppy so bad that it became second nature for me to type in petfinder.com right after checking emails in the morning. But I wasn't prepared for the emotional exchange or relationship that you truly do have with your pet. I really do love Bowser, and like any human relationship, it comes with fighting, sad moments, happy moments, and moments where I want to kick his puppy butt. But it's all communicated through barking and body language. You have conversations with your dog, but it's not like the dog will be speaking back to you. You create a bond that is unlike any other human relationship, but rather an exchange of mutually understood animal instincts.

Now, as much as I love my puppy, we have some relationship issues we need to seriously work out. Lately, he's begun to go into destructo-mode. Last week, I came home to find that not one, two, or three pairs of my shoes had been eaten, but FOUR. Luckily Kohls was having a sale and I was able to repurchase them quite cheaply. However, this has started to become a serious problem. Two days ago, we took off his cone of shame (he was neutered last Monday - and like a loving mother, I did stay up all night to comfort him). Because he was sooo incredibly happy to be rid of that thing, he decided it was time to celebrate by doing only what could be described as going full retard (thank you Robert Downey Jr.).

He was incessantly running, jumping off of furniture, and refused to do anything we asked him to. He also decided it was time to begin marking, where a dog pisses on something every five feet when you walk him. If it gets really bad, it's every five feet in your house. I was under the impression that this behavior was supposed to cease when the dog is neutered, but apparently it only increased in Bowser. Of course, right?

Yesterday, his bad behavior truly hit its peak. Upon coming home to care for him on his lunch, my boyfriend walked in to find that our living room lamp had been destroyed, the cord completely chewed through, a collection of books and DVDs had sufficed as chew toys, my new shoes that I had bought to replace a pair of shoes he had destroyed were again destroyed, and he pissed on the carpet for the third time in 10 hours.

If that wasn't irritating enough, he also knocked over my little 3-year-old nephew as he descended the stairs, and sent him tumbling to the bottom.

That was it. No more spoiled Bowser. His reign of terror is being put to an end. He has officially lost his freedom is going back to the proverbial dog house until he can prove he's not going to destroy everything he sets his sights on (aka, we're keeping him in his crate when we're gone). Neutering is supposed to chill out a dog, but apparently it didn't quite work on Bowser. Our dog is truly special.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but if you plan on getting a dog, don't get too attached to your stuff.