He Who Dies With the Most Toys Wins

Yes that IS the Octomom with 1/8 of her litter. Picture sourced from here.

This is the first of a three (or four)-part series (I haven't made up my mind) on consumerism. Don’t worry. There’s humor in here somewhere.

The worst tantrum I have ever witnessed in my entire life occurred at the Tacoma Mall when I was 18 years old. I was working at a little girl's clothing store at the time, so I was pretty used to hearing screaming and stomping when the little brats didn't get their way. But what I saw this day was beyond any five year-old ego being crushed -- it was consumerism gone awry.

It started out as any typical situation -- little girl see’s pink, sparkly shirt. Little girl wants pink, sparkly shirt. Mother says no. Girl starts crying. Crying turns into shrieking. Shrieking turns into, “You’re a bad mother! I hate you!” Elevated? Yes. Out of the norm at my store? No. 


The mother started walking out of the store, embarrassed by her daughter’s behavior. While she had only gone around the corner when I heard the little girl crying and shrieking even louder. I peaked my head out to find that she hadn’t gotten far -- Build-a-Bear was our neighbor and she had decided she absolutely needed to stuff one of the limp teddies -- Which by the way, is not a good two-week anniversary gift, High School Boys. I received a mooing teddy from Build-a-Bear as a gift from an ex . I don’t know what made him think this was appropriate. So I reminded him of a cuddly cow? Thanks. That’s right up there with Space Jam necklace I received from a different boyfriend, 10 years after Space Jam was cool.

Back to the tantrum: this little girl wasn’t taking no for an answer, and melting into a puddle in front of Build-a-Bear. This went on longer than the pink shirt outburst. Twenty minutes later, her mother had managed to get her to walk to the next store, Hot Topic.

This little five year-old girl start freaking out about needing a dog chain necklace. Her face was red with tears and her voice was going hoarse from all of her screaming. Another twenty minutes later, she managed to get to the next store, Spencer’s. She absolutely needed a disco ball to complete the 70's theme in her bedroom. She stalled her mother for a good TWO HOURS at every single store on the way to the door. It became clear it was never about the particular items she was coveting, just that she wanted something she didn’t need. Her mother’s attempts at picking her child up and walking out of the mall resulted in the mom getting slapped and kicked.

I’m not a big fan of corporal punishment, but I would have slapped the shit out of that kid right in the middle of the mall. I’m sure the rest of the onlookers would have understood -- and maybe even said “Finally!” as they began applauding.

But who’s fault is this really? As a culture, we sure have contributed to this little girl’s mindset that she has to have something she doesn’t need.

Allow me to explain. According to the Mass Media Awareness Network, advertising dollars aimed towards children have exploded in the past few decades. In fact, it jumped from $100 million in 1990 to $2 billion in 2000. The above tantrum is ideal for the businesses that invest this kind of money.They want children to have meltdowns and parents to cave into them. This fattens wallets and allows businesses like Mattel, Hasbro and even McDonald's to prosper.


As I shop for my little nephew and godson this holiday season, I'm going to keep these things in mind as I peruse the aisles of Toys r' Us and Target. In fact, I might just get them something they need. And then I'll be deemed as the worst auntie ever. Maybe they'll understand when they're older.



Sticks and stones may break my bones, but stay tuned for more of this bumper sticker inspired series :)